by rileyroxx

Funny quotes about life are special because there’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together. These funny quotes will make you laugh and smile even when you have sad moments in your life.

“It’s probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you’re talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.”

Funny quotes about life – Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.

There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Funny quotes – “Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are, and what they ought to be.”

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

Funny quotes about life – “Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.”

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.

A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.

There’s no such thing as a soul. It’s just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.

Funny quotes about life – “Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.”

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.

“Once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: “No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.”

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